Sharing the Burden: A Proposed Response to Missile Testing by North Korea

Ballistic nuclear missiles are a nasty business.

Nuclear weapons in the hands of an irresponsible or rogue government are a nastier one. North Korea threatening to turn the United States into a “Sea of Fire” – now that’s just downright entertaining.

For now. Sort of. But perhaps it won’t be forever.

They’re dangerous – nuclear missiles, I mean. They’re nuclear after all. But that’s really just the armed warhead we’re talking about. A ballistic missile does not have to have a nuclear weapon attached to it to be dangerous. The Taepodong 2 (the North Korean version of a modified Soviet-designed SCUD surface–to-surface missile) missile weighs nearly 174,500 pounds without the warhead; a US Minute Man III weighs about 72,000 pounds. Even a truckload of 3rd grader’s drawing pads and Magic Markers falling from the sky at terminal velocity is going to break whatever it falls on.

How about this analogy: Some people worry over the effects of drinking too much alcohol. Of course. But If you drink too much of anything thing, you’re probably going to get sick. Only so much can reasonably fit in there at any one time. We’ll agree – alcohol is different in its nature than milk, and likewise, a nuclear weapon is different – it has that nasty little warhead on top. There is no argument that anything falling out of the sky with a nuclear warhead and an operational trigger on it is a serious threat.

The point is – settle down.

But that’s just it – the North Koreans are not going to settle down. They’re going to keep doing their testing and their threatening, barking, and demanding, and probably more so over time.

Maybe it’s going to take a continuation of delicate, complicated, and sensitive understanding and diplomacy to address what it is the North Korean government really wants to achieve. It may eventually take a tough stance that includes sanctions and regional political pressure. Perhaps someday, sadly, it may take overwhelming force either to prevent the yip-yapping annoying Chihuahua from becoming an aggressive and violent pit bull, or worse, return him to the dog house after the fact.

The real problem? These missiles – and the testing – are expensive.

A July 2009 US Navy ballistic missile interceptor test off the coast of Kauai cost $40 million. Just for the sake of argument and simplicity, let’s suppose the target missile, system, etc. makes up half of that cost: $20 million. Some estimates propose that a North Korean Taepo Dong 2 launch test costs as much as $330 million.

Given that we’d all like to save money, and certainly the North Koreans need to – they can’t afford to continue spending that kind of money on tests that keep failing – a mutually acceptable and rewarding solution must be found. I know, testing is essential; practice makes perfect. But it is a lot of money. (Come on, they gotta make progress here.)

So, here’s my solution. It’s a cost saving, cost-sharing measure that I believe will work out well for everyone: Let’s work with the North Koreans.

Instead of the United States committing both our expensive interceptors and our own target missiles, and instead of North Korea only wondering if they can ever really reach Hawaii (let alone the western US coast), let’s do this: You guys go ahead and fire that $300 million missile in our direction, say, right at Hawaii, or directly over Japan’s sovereign landmass – again – (we want this to be realistic, right?) and instead of us using our own expensive target – give or take $20 million – we’ll save our target missile (recycle it instead and use the money for veteran’s benefits would be cool) and shoot yours down.

You get a successful test, we get a successful test – we all save lots of money – and everyone is happy.

Problem solved.

So fire away, Kim Jong Il. No need for that “Sea of Fire” you keep talking about. Let’s meet in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and watch a blazing fire in the sky together.