Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

I …

This piece was originally published on my birthday in 2009. And while I figured I ought to write something around my Big Day again this year – but don’t like the prospect of recycling this one in November – I have decided I’d better get it done now.

Having said this, I re-read it recently and there are a few things I’d say again if I could, so here goes. And anyway, my bet is plenty of people either have never read it or don’t remember it. Bad and risky policy, I suppose, but it’s my blog, and I’ll re-post it if I want to.

– – –

I was told, I guess during my last high school english course, that when writing, say, for public consumption, a person should avoid the use of “I” as much as possible. Of course, I am not very good at this, and ever since then, I have been plagued with constant guilt that I am horribly self-centered and narcissistic, and that’s truly why I can’t get away from it.

On the other hand, I’d rather think it’s simply a fundamental lack of writing talent.

Ultimately, I worry it’s both.

Anyway, here it is, reconsidered and updated a little.

– – –

Papa Ed and Uncle Verl

I …

…eat red meat (not much these days) and any wild game (my personal food rule is I’ll try anything twice); hunt, and deeply appreciate wildlife – and often get emotional about it; enjoy shooting clay pidgeons as much as actual hunting; like to get my hands dirty; love my family; miss the friends I do not see or speak with anymore; like mechanical stuff; like to chop wood in winter; think that old movies and classic literature are the best.

…miss my grandparents and friends who are gone; miss the smell of the corn in late July and early August; and am anxious to go to Aspen again.

…am hung up on certain movies (and the original stories), like Pride and Predjudice, The Proposal, Children of Men, Dan in Real Life, Wuthering Heights, and the frustrations and conflicts and possibilities I feel when reading Hemingway and Fitzgerald.

… like to recommend movies to people and think that Crash and Invincible are especially worth seeing, then discussing with people you care about.

… am sorry I threw the eraser at Melody Dillingham in second grade and would ask her forgiveness if I could.

… am fascinated by space and nature.

…feel an intense and exhilerating sense of being, of self-awareness and of doing what I ought – when running and riding, especially on a trail…

…and very thankful I still can.

Jaces+White Fish 2007

…care too much about interior decorating for my own good; still wish I had my ’69 Land Rover 19 years after selling it; want to go to the cabin in Canada every year and was filled a deep sense of joy and accomplishment when my son, Jace went for his first time – like something really important in life had just happened.

…think that Martin Luther King, Jr. ought to get just one day a year and Eisenhower should have gotten one a long time ago.

…would like to pick morels next Spring, and and am always willing to pay someone to FedEx a freshly-picked box to me.

…believe that as Americans, we are free to be as stupid as we want to be…

…and as great, and good and decent.

… am overly nostalgic about most everything; get mad too easily (but am getting better at it); am mellowing.

…am still learning; miss home; love Colorado, but smell Canada when I step outside early in the morning.

…enjoy politics…too much, and was mystified and made nearly insane in 2012.

…am sometimes thankful, thoughtful, and thoughtless. Many times.

Jace and Dad - 2001

…used to love to play a good game of football in the rain and still will when I can, and love to play catch with Jace and toss a baseball for him to take a swing at…

… and believe there is nothing like the feel and sound of a hardball being hit with a wood bat.

Many times, maybe most of the time I don’t know why, but believe asking why is pointless. And have stood at the grave of a friend; of too many friends, alone, looking and thinking; listening, remembering, and felt everything… and in some way, hope it never fades too much. And leave from that place and return to the Living, my family, and am restored somehow.

…intensely love to see my son’s smile and to hear my wife’s laughs, and am reassured by both.


…used to like traveling alone but then wished I could share what I saw along the way.

… struggle with things I cannot see and feel.

…struggle with myself.

…am hopeful and amazed… but not always.

…am very happy to just be here and amazed at the prospect of what’s next.

…am thankful, relieved and humbled to be forgiven.


… and not necessarily in that order.


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If you were at all touched by the Allstate video advert recently, you’ll be absolutely be crushed by this wonderful presentation by ESPN. They get an “A”.


Click on the picture to view the video.

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Where Have the Children Gone?

I wrote this poem in 1999, three years after the school shooting in Dunblane, Scotland. I have wrestled over the years with what I might do with it; perhaps save it for the opportunity to publish it within a book of poetry. So incredibly sadly, it has continued to come back to me over the intervening years with the advent of far too similar tragedies in Kentucky, Oregon, California, and of course Columbine; then Beslan, Russia, rural Pennsylvania, and more recently Aurora, Colorado and now Newtown. There are still yet more I cannot recall well, but they are seared in my consciousness, stored somewhere deep, as they no doubt are in yours, maybe suppressed; it is too much – even at a distance. It seems that perhaps I should share what I have thought about far too often. I wish I could do more.

– – –

They are as the Wind –
That gentle force which stirs the forest;
A mighty stand of timber is given voice
Only by the Breeze that inhabits it,
And it is Fleeting.

We long for that soft Blowing amongst us again.

Where are they?
We cannot see them.
They have quietly passed through this dark Forest;
Their invisible flight carries them on.
They are as the Breeze
That sways the tall grass –
We feel them move around us.

Our Children have gone;
They go as the Breeze –
not to return to us but always present –
As the Breath of the sky,
They come to us.
We feel them and hear them
And they comfort us for a while.

As the Gentle Blowing on our faces;
That Sound in the tall trees is the Children.
That graceful bow of the grass by their Breath.

We go there
And they are with us.
Reminded by that sweet Breath,
They are close again.

Their Sound we know
And their touch we feel.
Yet as constant as the Wind,
They are determined to go.

That Quiet Breeze will not return,
Yet another comes after it
And it is familiar to us.

It comforts us, and so we long for it; for them.
That sweet, kind, and peaceful Air –
It is always present.
And they are with us again.

We recognize it –
Its sound is a Whisper;
Its feel is familiar –
Sometimes cool, sometimes warm.
We are taken to a place
Where they come to us again.

They are gone,
But we will always wait for them.
As the grass of the field longs
For that graceful Touch
To give it movement,
We long for them.

They are the Sound in the trees,
And we are moved by their breath;
The Wind that softly carries them to us.
And we will always wait.
We wait in quiet anticipation for that Day;
A Promised Day.

Where have the Children gone?
They are as the Wind,
Invisible to us –
Yet they are here.
We are moved by their gentle Touch on our Faces,
Reminded again we are not so far apart.

Not too far, and not for long –
We wait for you.

We know where you are.

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The Sandy Hook school shooting. This kid’s family was – is – broken, and he was broken. His mind and heart were broken. If he was sick, his family was sick. These truths are being exposed moment-by-moment.

If we lack a sense of community, and it needs to be restored, then we have a desperate need to figure out where to begin. It must begin at home, in the family. If our families are broken, and we send people out into the world from a broken family, they have a fraction of a chance to recover that. Some do; too many don’t, even if they don’t do something terrible; too many live lives “of quiet desperation.” If we try to find ways to fix it at home, we are better prepared to go out into the world peacefully.

Take a breather from talking about guns and the gun control debate; it’s a shallow distraction and it’s cheap, especially in this moment. Our talk and efforts must focus on people. People’s hearts and minds, and what has either filled them or emptied them.

It’s written that Jesus said, “The poor will always be with you.” Well if so, then likewise all tragedies will always occur eventually and yet the world will continue to spin. You don’t have to believe in God to know and buy into this hard truth. We cannot save the world, but we can start somewhere. It’s enough to start at home.

When families are broken, individuals are broken. There are many communities we can spend our time, money, and efforts on, and rightfully so. But we should start with the community of our own families, in our own homes.

Start at home. Then perhaps we can be prepared to go out.

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Recently I watched an interview on television with Bill and Melinda gates and it prompted me to do a little reading.

Here’s what I have concluded.

I don’t really know what the Gates’s personal politics are and I don’t care. They believe that every life has equal value…and they’re doing something about it.

What I do care about is what they state as their fundamental belief: that every life has equal value. I care about their commitment to people and their aggressive efforts to reach across our country and across the globe to attack health and education challenges with such a serious and well developed approach. I appreciate their ability to do so much good with what they have.

And for anyone who wants to criticize that part of the American dream – that of financial success – those who want to demonize the rich, I would propose this, what I am trying to teach my own son, among many other important things:

Just as with school – the reward of good grades is lots of options. The better you perform, the more options in life you have. It’s the same with money. The more one has, the more options one has to good with it. There will always be those who don’t have it, can’t get it, don’t believe it, are jealous of it, are suspicious of it, and so on.

Always. But for those who are capable, work hard enough and smart enough, and who are oriented well enough toward being other-centered and seeing that they are just a part of this world for a time – and have a very special and unique position of ability and vision to see and act on needs around them, they can do good with what they have. Lots of good. And by and large – they do.

But it’s not just a thing for the rich. Sure, their money is bigger and can therefore be leveraged far beyond what most of us can do; big numbers do amazing things, sort of along the same vein as compounding interest. The power of compounding is significant. Huge wheels can start turning under that kind of power. But the other side of that equation, the side that the rest of us can – and ought – to relate to is budgeting. And that’s about personal economies of scale. Percentages do not change, just raw numbers. Really, it doesn’t matter so much how much money you have, or how much you get, what matters is how you handle it. What you do with it. The fact of our personal responsibilities remains, regardless of the scale.

We’re talking percentages now. And we’re talking personal responsibility. We’re talking prudent and conservative planning, and by the way, my personal recommendation for a conservative and other-centered lifestyle, especially in the financial arena. Recall the New Testament story of the woman who gladly gave her last penny. The point was made that she gave more than anyone else.

So now you see, we’re back to, from a reasonable perspective, percentages.

Manage your money – and so your priorities well, and you can do what needs to be done. For your family and for the other things you believe you need to do – and I am now speaking of giving. It is important here to step back and remember that you cannot save the world. Jesus told us the poor will always be here. They just will. And along with them, the irresponsible and the stupid; the foolish and the weak-minded. Always. Such is the world; such is life. But we’d better remember we each have to potential to be that very person. At least I do. So by the way, be nice, and be forgiving.

We can do something. So you arrange your financial life well, and decide that you will give something – whatever – of what you take in. That’s your business. Give to your church, your synagogue, your mosque, or the Red Cross, or a local agency that helps indigent women in your city, or children living in desperation and squalor in Africa, or South America or India, or Eastern Kentucky. Whatever. Your small, almost immeasurable part. Do something.

And by the way, why, after all? You have to decide that for yourself. The Bible is chock full of reasons. Every community on the planet shows obvious reasons everyday – every time you leave your house. And remember, once again – you can’t save the world. But most of us can do something. It’s just a matter of:

Are you going to get your own personal financial house in order, for the sake of your family?

Are you going to budget, plan, save for the future; for your retirement, for your kid’s college, so that when you’re 63 you don’t have to worry or keep working far beyond the age you had hoped?

Are you going to look beyond your own home and consider what if anything you can or ought to do? Are you going to plan for financial freedom? Plan for options and choices?

And what drives you? Why do you do what you do? What is important to you? What are your hopes? Plans? What do you believe in? What do you believe is important?

Do you believe you have any responsibility to anyone or anything beyond yourself? What are you going to do about it?

Sure, if I had 40 billion dollars, my decisions would be easier…maybe. And my number of options would be huge. I would have the greatest range of choices. And that’s the point. Options. Virtually no one has anywhere near that kind of money. So for those that do, let them worry about their own dilemmas. You can’t take theirs on, and you wouldn’t want to. You be responsible for yourself. You resolve your own issues, and organize your own life. Don’t worry about anybody else. Get your act together, in all areas. And that includes your finances.

So we’re going to talk about percentages again, but it’s a pretty simple discussion.

If Bill and Melinda Gates give ten percent of what they make (and we don’t know what they make; we just know that they have a net worth of about $40 Billion). The answer is $4 Billion. The impact that can have on any given effort is significant to say the least.

And look what they’re doing: the invention of vaccines, combating malaria, HIV, researching the development of drought resistant-bug-resistant seed corn, even fighting diarrhea. They may or may not be into systems theory, but they’re definitely into systems improvement. They’re trying to develop permanent clean, safe water systems world-wide. They’re figuring out how to reduce the infant mortality rate in impoverished places, in all places, which involves studying and coming to understand customs and cultures, let alone medical system, facilities, and funding. And they’re doing it all around the world. World-wide they give to libraries and in a broad sense, to improve access to information. In our country they’re giving to improve education for high schools everywhere. They believe so much of the direction in our country begins in the public schools. The power and potential within those walls are huge. Read their website with great attention. The questions they ask and the suppositions they go into an effort with are simple and direct. They want to find solutions and they want to fix things for the long haul.

They want to do well.

Notice in this previous paragraph money, in any amount was not discussed. That’s because such concerns, such responsibilities are not relegated only to the rich. They’re relegated to humanity, to neighbors, to everyone who can. We’ve probably already agreed some can’t, and certainly some won’t. So what? Such is life. But many if not most can – and thankfully, will. So let’s do our parts. Don’t be selfish; be otherish. What’s your 10%? Or whatever your number. What is it? Don’t tell anyone, just decide. And act. Be quiet about it. But set a good example for your family, especially your children, if it applies.

Start with your own personal budget, and plan, by percentage, what you’re going to do with your money. Get organized and be smart. Prioritize and be responsible. Get assistance if you need to. Go slowly and be wise about it. Seek wisdom somewhere if you need to. My personal advice is to live a financially conservative lifestyle and save, save, save. And read – and listen to – The Millionaire Next Door, by Thomas J. Stanley, Ph.D (http://www.thomasjstanley.com/) and William D. Danko, Ph.D (http://www.albany.edu/~danko/) (1996, Longstreet Press). It’s not a perfect book; none is. But it’s serious and not hype. (By contrast and by personal experience I would never recommend anyone read – or listen to – any books by the Rich Dad, Poor Dad guy. In my opinion he’s shallow and simple. The contrast and what I see as conflict between the two philosophies – and life values – are striking. Stick with The Millionaire Next Door.

You might find that this book too subscribes to a selfish financial philosophy. I will concede that. The authors emphasize a perspective in those they interviewed, and so to a fair extent subscribe to the “I am my own favorite charity” philosophy. But look at it this way: It’s like the instructions we get from the airline attendants when embarking on a commercial flight. You are to place the oxygen mask over your own face first – before that of even your children. In order to be of any use to anyone else, you must first be equipped; prepared. You can be noble and all-self sacrificing, but then, arguably, you’re done. One shot deal. And besides, when I recommend this book, I do not necessarily recommend the author’s philosophy in total. I prefer to be measured in all things if I can (not that I am so good at it….). There will always be a time to give, and a time to save; a time to sacrifice and a time to circle the wagons, draw in and preserve. So, as with any advice, take it with a grain of salt and apply it carefully. And consider your own life situation; don’t let anyone else decide for you. “…a wise man listens to advice.” (Proverbs 12:15) – But a wise man also makes the decisions he himself is responsible to make.

And just to show you I want to be even-minded about the whole selfish-selfless thing, I have spent some time reading at Money Help for Christians”: http://www.moneyhelpforchristians.com/bad-money-choice/ and might encourage readers to do the same. And here’s a test: Those of you who do not subscribe to the Biblical or Christian view – you go there and see if you don’t find real wisdom. Let me know.

All this is to simply to say Get Serious.

As I alluded, I recommend listening to the book. Long commutes like mine are especially conducive to this. Check out the CD-based unabridged version from your local library or buy it if you need to, but get it. Read it and/or listen to it several times, over several years, too. There are probably a lot of good books out there, but this is the one I would recommend to my son (he’s only 10 right now, so I need to settle down).

You don’t want to get old and be stressed. Getting old will probably be tough enough. We don’t need to be worried about money on top of that.

And don’t forget to spend about thirty minutes at The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation website: http://www.gatesfoundation.org

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In preparation for writing this review I found myself, out of necessity, listening to children’s music as background filler while working at the computer.

My usual practice of listening to music while typing is to load a CD of something very familiar and safe Simon and Garfunkel’s greatest hits, Toad the Wet Sprocket’s Dulcinea, one of my U2 albums, like Achtung Baby, 7, or Pop or maybe to dig a little deeper and listen to one of Dire Straits’ first two or three albums – Communique or Making Movies are standards for me.

But this past week it has been quite different. And I was transported to another place.

Ultimately what I found interesting if fairly outside my usual little box of comfort and familiarity was just how creative these materials are, just how well-made (with regard to production) they are and with such obvious professional knowledge that they incorporate. Finally, I enjoyed discovering the two music-based products were produced in my local area, originating in professional practices in the Boulder-Denver area. Even the recordings were made there.

While the strong publisher of these materials has a global reach and reputation of exceptional quality, the professionals they work with based in the Rocky Mountain region are impressive. I also reviewed one other booklet that does not include music, but not to worry; it’s a quality work as well, bolstered by the fact that this community of clinical expertise is a tight-knit one, and these practitioner-author-musician-clinicians know each other. These are the products of those top-shelf professionals.

Danceland: Fun Songs and Activities to Improve Sensory Skills, by Kristen Fitz Taylor, PT and Cheryl McDonald, PT with musical host Aubrey Lande, MS, OTR

28 Instant Songames, by “MaBoAubLo” and Barbara Sher, MS, OTR

Seeing Clearly: Fun Activities for Improving Visual Skills, by Lois Hickman, MS, OT, FAOTA and Rebecca Hutchins, OD, FCOVD

All materials are published by Future Horizons, the well-known specialty press serving the special needs community addressing the spectrum of autism-related disorders, including Asperger’s and sensory integration. These titles were originally published by Sensory Resources which was recently acquired by Future Horizons.

So, I stepped out of my normal mode to consider these materials, gathered my impressions and thoughts, here is what I came up with:
They are exceptionally well developed with obvious depth of understanding and clarity of purpose.

• They have been created by people who are outstanding in their fields both because of their practical and clinical skills, but also because of added benefit of their creative skills.

I see these as best utilized in the classroom and therapeutic settings, and with children of ages up to six. I would not expect them to be utilized with much with children any older, except in those cases where development has been at a slower rate. Recognizing the authors recommend the dance activity materials for ages 3-8, I am somewhat dubious. But I am not a practitioner nor a clinician, so of course you should take my review with a grain of salt. Consider me more of an end-user. Simply, the music and dance activities seem to be geared ideally for those younger children. Most beyond the age of six have probably moved beyond that type of activity.

• They are designed with flexibility in mind, allowing for either a very structured application, as with the dance activities (the materials are introduced this way in the prefactory notes) , or to be to be adapted and modified as the practitioner wishes, according to individual needs or responses.

I was especially impressed with the content of Seeing Clearly, with myriad activities designed to address the specific age-appropriate developmental needs of early childhood and encompassing both the requisite professional perspectives: the behavioral optometrist and the occupational therapist.

THE BOTTOM LINE: Each of these materials, while in my opinion, is designed less for use at home or with a non-professional caregiver, deserve a prominent place in every OT’s bookcase.

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Legendary rocker Todd Rundgren is going to school.

Actually, he’s headed to the IU campus in Bloomington to teach a bit about music, and according to According to the Indianapolis Star its culture, politics and economics. He will be on campus for two weeks playing his music and as a Wells Scholars Professor at IU, co-teaching an honors seminar covering all the broader aspects of the music business.

I say cool. Good for him.

VH1 must have gained a lot of new viewers made up of old rocker types when they ran their series “Where Are They Now?” (1999-2002) exploring the then-current whereabouts of rock and roll has-beens. In those heavy rock coming of age days of the late ‘60s-early 70’s everybody experienced the tragedies of Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison. Here were more, and with all this, from my point of view, I am always impressed with those who managed to survive beyond that decade.

I am even more impressed with those who saw their futures and moved on at the right time into the next reasonable phase of life and kept moving forward. In fact, I continually find myself surprised that they even turned out to be functional.

Rick Derringer is a good example. His greatest hit was “Rock and Roll, Hoochie Koo” – still a great listen. Like so many others, he experienced all that the world of Rock stars had to offer, which especially in those days included heavy drug use. Today, Derringer lives a much different life. Coming from a solid perspective of been-there-done-that-and-don’t-care-to-do-it-any-more, he’s now a Christian, has a family, still plays his music, and has quite a testimony. Check him out at http://www.rickderringer.com/rd-testimony.html .

Just the name Rundgren conjures a flood of memories for me.

I was very fortunate to grow up when I did and to have an uncle who grew up when he did. My uncle John graduated from Garfield High School in May of 1969. I was turning eight that Fall.

We all know how important music is to high school kids, and so you can only imagine…. No. Strike that. Many of you can remember… the significance of the music during that time and into the mid 1970’s (until – to our horror and confoundment – disco came in prominence). The Beatles, of course, and The Stones, King Crimson, Cream, The Birds, The Doors, The Mamas and the Papas, Mott the Hoople; and some of the ones John introduced me to: Rare Earth, Little Feat, Mitch Ryder, Frank Marino and Mahogany Rush, Black Oak Arkansas, Black Sabbath, Foghat, Gary Glitter, Jethro Tull, Ten Years After and of course, Todd Rundgren.

John’s bedroom on the second floor of my grandparent’s historic house – and 1860s federal style brick structure and home to the first president of what is now Indiana State University – was the epitome of hip. It was dark, smelled of varnished wood, gun powder, clean laundry, Brute or Hi Karate! and incense and, at the time my impression was, I was pretty sure, girls. Lots and often. The ceiling was a retrofitted vault with solid wood beams and dark solid planking completely covering the wall and ceiling surfaces. His bed lay directly on the floor, just a mattress and box spring; no frame, headboard, or footboard. Wool saddle and Indian blankets here and there and his book shelves were covered with football and track trophies and ribbons and other cool guy knick-knacks. He had a huge glass jar in the corner full of coins. A large ceramic barrel or jar of sorts sat in a cornerwith a mouth probably 16 inches across – chock full of various guns: high-powered rifles and shot guns, and swords of various intriguing types. They were exotic. He even had a couch that sat low on the floor, its legs removed and an old travel chest from the previous century, converted into a coffee table with a thick sheet of glass atop – properly pilfered from an abandoned house in town or a long-forgotten storage room at the high school. That was it. His whole room – his whole life – was exotic.

And his stereo system.

His music was the central feature to the exotica. Awesome turntable, mystifying tuner-amp, so complicated my brother and I knew it had to be worth thousands; and huge speakers, hidden in opposite corners of the room. But it was the LPs that were key to it all. Rows of them. On the shelves, stacked neatly – religiously – on the floor lining the walls running the length of two sides of his room. This collection was a veritable museum; a sacred bastion of ultimate sound and knowledge and experience. My brother and I would sit there with John on his couch, our own necessarily stretched straight out and crossed at the ankles, completely relaxed and now also cool, just because we had entered his room. I’d say, “Hey, I got a new album.” I got Elton John’s Honky Chateau.” Or Ty would say, “I got The Hollies Greatest Hits.”

John was always good with us. His response would just be, “Here, listen to this.” And he’d put on something that was far beyond anything we had even tried to imagine. Iron Butterfly, Ironman, Ronnie James Dio, The Tubes, Deep Purple, Magic Carpet Ride (this one we knew, and were reminded of what we ought to be listening to), whatever; in that moment we were schooled in the ways of the Sacred Den of Cool.

We’d come over some Sunday afternoon for a regular family gathering. Food, football, somebody’s birthday celebration, riding the mini-bike, the tractor, shooting clay targets in the near field, piles of food, and sitting around talking about whatever.

And hanging out in John’s room.

John’s room was a world unto itself, a separate space in ultimate independent universe of guy-dom. By the way we treated it – and our cautious admittance to it – It was a sacred place – the Sacred Den of Cool.
Ten years later (or should I say ten years after?), my brother and I, having moved with our family to a new home across town, and probably without knowing it, set up our respective new bedrooms much the same way, most notably beds on the floor, no frame needed.

He was my primary source for all things music in those critical formative years of the late 1960’s through the early 1980’s. Not only did he know what the really good music was – what I would call the “root” music – that which was the basis for everything on the radio; the bands and musicians that the pop music world referenced during interviews as the greatest influences on their work. But he knew all the deeper background intelligence on any individual I could come up with.

Rundgren is one of those guys my uncle John can tell me about with great detail. In fact, I am fully confident that if I called him right now and pitched a name to him, he’d answer like he had been waiting for the call. In years past I have done just that. Carmine Appice, Mitch Ryder, Ian McDonald, Jeff Beck, Robert Fripp, What albums they made and the years. What bands they played in and who they played with, where those guys went and who they played with, what albums they made, and what they’re doing now.

Todd Rundgren has truly made a long-term and serious career of his talent. It’s refreshing to see he’s one of those who is still around to do his work, do it well, and even give back.

…And by the way, thanks, John. I am still listening to Rare Earth Live. I can’t find my 8-track, but like you, I have it on CD.

For more on Rundgren’s visit to Bloomington, see the October 31st and November 1st articles posted at Indystar.com.

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Audrey Williams

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